Monday, November 23, 2009

Looks just like.....

So I have a few parental pet peeves, nothing I would lynch anyone over but little things about new parents that I hope I never find myself doing or saying. The list:

1 - Babies are precious and a huge monumental life change for people, they are however not 'miracles'. Child bearing is a part of nature that occurs every day all over the world. The only time a child should be allowed the title of miracle is if it has survived despite all odds stacked against it. Lets not dilute the meaning of the word to an average life occurrence that millions experience.


"1. an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.
2. such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God.
3. a wonder; marvel.
4. a wonderful or surpassing example of some quality: a miracle of modern acoustics."

~Chris and I do not agree on this matter however!

On a related note naming your child :Angel or Faith etc. is really corny, in fact its so sickeningly sweet it threatens to put me into a diabetic coma.

2- Looking at a newborn baby and making physical reference descriptions, "Oh wow he/she looks just like his father/ or uncle Herbert etc.". If I were to guess the paternity of most newborns by the way they look Walter Mathau would have allot of explaining to do. Newborns look like....wait for it...... newborns. Unless your comparing them to your wrinkled pucker faced 90 year old grandfather they will not start to develop any recognizable genetic facial similarities for a few months. Their nose/chin and round little head will all grow and change as well as their eye color and hairline. If you tell me my newborn looks like me, I will take it as a hint that a face lift is being recommended.

3- Naming your baby after the father. Lets see: Mom gets to go through 9 months of discomfort including: morning sickness, stretch marks, hemorrhoids, hormone induced breakouts, gestational diabetes, extreme fatigue, weight gain, depression, shortness of breath, the mask of pregnancy (rough scaly skin patches that sprout up in random blotches on her face), skin tags, migraines, the list goes on. On top of the fact she is allowed little to no medication during the pregnancy to alleviate many of the symptoms, then here's the kicker, she gets to go through hours of painful contractions and stretch her poor lady bits to kingdom come, sometimes resulting in perennial tearing to bring the baby into the world and~wait for it..... DAD GETS THE EGO BOOST with junior taking HIS NAME!!!!.

Naming a son after his father has always struck me as a desperate way for women to attempt to force a connection between father and child. If your hubby/ boyfriend etc. cant love the baby as an individual but needs to love it as a narcissistic extension of himself is he really the role model you want in your kids life?. Hell while your at it why not give the guy a cattle brand and let him sear his dominance over your uterus once and for all.~ Not to mention any name that is eventually shortened into the kids first initial followed by .J, is kind of unfortunate especially if the poor kids name is Bob or Billy.

4-Last on my list but first in my heart on issues that bother me when couples become new parents, good-bye 'Mittens' and 'Rover'. So as a couple you set out to add to your family before you were quite ready to take the parenting plunge. You brought home a furry little bundle of joy. You raised this furry step child, teaching it what it needed in order to be a productive member of your family, you loved it and it loved you unconditionally.

Then one pee stick and nine months later your surrogate child takes a back seat in your heart and your life. Walking the dog is not on your to do list anymore your to busy watching the new baby drool all over himself. Playing with the cat is irrelevant now that your new baby is shaking his rattle on the floor. In fact maybe a few months have gone by and you decide hell, even feeding and grooming my once beloved best friend is too much effort. Time to set up a freebee add on Kijiji~ yours to take one forgotten and formerly loved family member, now that we have a REAL baby our family member is no longer required to fill that missing gap in our hearts. Thanks for the loyalty, love and memories but sayonara sucker!!!!.

1 comment:

i am the diva said...

I'm with ya on these...

Chewie being a miracle only in the sense that the way things played out with his super early delivery, he is alive and completley healthy... really the *miracle* belongs to modern science... how only 30 years ago, the birth of my son might have had a hugely different outcome, the same *miracle* surroudning the birth of my brother's little girl... without modern science Lila and her mother would both have likely died in childbirth.

While i am ALL FOR natural births and doulas and midwifery and the coming together of women to help another woman give birth, i am extremely thankful for our modern medicinal life safing progress.

Oh, and you TOTALLY need to read the book: Birthing From Within... You will LOVE it.