Saturday, December 26, 2009
So I have heard when you are pregnant you are prone to a bunch of crazy dreams generally involving the baby. Apparently your subconscious and your hormones mix to cause all kinds of F*cked up in your head while you sleep. Once again, I am going to have to say I have lucked out!!. Since becoming pregnant I have had an increased number of dreams~yes, however they have all included Jareth from the 1985 Jim Henson movie Labyrinth. SCORE!!!!! Hormones keep em coming!!!!.
Friday, December 25, 2009
So I'm pretty sure there are two trains of thought every woman has when the piss stick gives them the green light on pregnancy.
Train A: fear, concern and worry about how they are going to raise their child.
Train B: I'm going to parent better than any other parent in the history of parenting :).
I'm sure one or both thoughts are perfectly normal...at least I hope so. I find myself moving onto platform B these days and the perfect image of my life is forming in my mind. Oh sure I worried a bit at first but now that I'm at the halfway mark I am planning like a mofo!. The rational me knows things are not likely to stay on the right track for too long but the daydreamer in me has a dream of my new life as super mom!!!. Hell, why not strive for super mom, goals are good right?. So as far fetched and over the top as it all may sound I will introduce you to my Martha Stewart/ Stepford wife stay at home mom fantasy!! ( moms with experience feel free to laugh loudly)
My ideal birth will be me handling my contractions like a pro at home, I will wait until the absolute last minute to check into the hospital and ask the doctors to take a step back unless I need their assistance for emergency purposes. In fact, I plan on underplaying my contractions for the nursing staff in an attempt to do the whole deed on my own and have the doctor pop in after for the check up. Also if its a boy hes getting the snip while we are there, no hooded turtle heads living under my roof.
I'm not planning on co sleeping, there is something a bit creepy about it to me (sorry co-sleepers) I'm not opposed to a bassinet for the first few months, nothing is wrong with keeping baby close~but at some point it becomes smother motherish .Two things have always struck me as being a bit more for Mom's comfort and security than for babies~ breast feeding and co sleeping. Don't get me wrong I know the benefits of breast milk, the feeding process just grosses me out. I plan on pumping and mixing up babies routine with breast milk and formula. Formula is supposed to take a bit longer for baby to digest so it will be the before bedtime meal in an attempt to reduce night time feedings. Also whats the point of weaning a baby twice from boobie-bottle than bottle-solids. I will wean once bottle-solids while still giving baby the essential nutrients required, plus I don't have to be my babies hostage~anyone (Chris) can feed the baby if I'm needing a bit of a break.
Television is going to be a big NO for baby and highly restricted for a toddler and child. I have already nabbed many Jim Henson classics such as storyteller/ Muppet's and I plan on getting classic Sesame Street from the 70's and 80's. You know shows where the characters actually spoke the F*cking English language, Not this 'Teletubby'/'Boobah'/or 'In the night garden' gibberish.
BTW am I the only one who thinks the Boobah's look like glittering hairy sacs with unfortunately tiny little pecker heads?. If your able to find them in the toy store take a good look ~their eyebrows are even ribbed for her pleasure.
Or worse still the shows like 'Max and Ruby' or 'Caillou' where the characters all talk slow and simple like they are recovering from a bloody stroke. Children are sponges looking at the world around them for guidance on how to behave and become normal functioning members of society, If you only expose your children to morons and simpletons you'll get what you put into their learning experience. I think I would rather take my kids to the public library instead, encouraging an early love of books can only be a benefit down the road anyhow.
Brightly colored tacky and useless toys (sorry Fisher Price)~Nope!. Automated toys requiring batteries that move/ talk and make other loud annoying sounds will be a no. I'm so glad Chris and I agree on this point. We would rather give our kids toys that force them to use their own imagination in game play than toys that pretty much do all the playing without the child's assistance at all. Some Lego/ action figures/ rubber dinosaurs/ puppets/ play dough and other classics should do the trick, Tickle-Me-Elmo's of the future need not apply. Also for no real reason at all other then it randomly annoys me I'm putting a ban on toy cars/ car outfits and any other baby grease monkey gear. My kids can have cars when they get a damn job and buy a real one, maybe it will act as a super motivator for them to find that first job as a way of "rebelling" against me.......one can hope!. I would also rather they played with toy swords and knight style warriors than soldier toys and toy guns. In a weird way I find it disrespectful to those who have died in wars like WW1,WW2 defending peoples rights and freedoms and to those families who have lost loved ones in Iraq/Afghanistan to make a game of modern war and death. As for ancient warfare, those people don't have any living relatives still mourning their loss.
To work or not to work? Ideally I will not work or only work one or two days for some spending $$$ but only if Chris is able to watch the children on those days. If I'm making shitty customer service style wages I refuse to pay some baby sitter full time. I certainly wont miss out on raising my own children to bring home a piddly $2-3 dollars an hour after childcare and commuting costs. Maybe I will even take in a child or two and watch them with my own to make some extra $$$ while I'm at home. But that will have to wait until my own child is a bit older and more eager to try his/her hand at some Independence, I don't want to sacrifice prime baby-mom bonding time to wrangle other peoples kids.
I think being a homemaker will be fun, keep the house clean, make healthy food for me and the family, spend more time with the baby and puppies. No more being friendly to arseholes I would rather bitch slap in the customer service industry. I would love to go full on Stepford, sew some cute 50's style frocks to wear around home, accessorised with a cute apron. Make awesome Bento style lunches, throw fun little dinner parties every so often to showcase my newly well honed culinary skills :).
I am also in love with the idea of Homeschooling. I know three teachers out here pretty well and have spoken briefly to a few more and the general consensus is children these days are horrible little self absorbed terrors. The Maritime School system is a complete joke, they don't do spelling tests, they are not allowed to fail a child for fear of "hurting their feelings", they were even talking about removing french from the mandatory curriculum because kids found it too hard. The parent who advocated loud and proud for this on the local news was a mother of a highly Autistic child~ so apparently ALL the children have to have school dumbed down now so the few special needs kids can keep up. Not to be a huge bitch (sorry P.C world)~ but how many of the special needs children will be entering the work force full time and paying taxes, as opposed to receiving government assistance to live off of?. Should an entire generations education suffer to avoid hurting a handful of kids feelings?. Fucking hippies running this country on 'the happy face sticker system' I cant wait until people with some common sense take charge again, if not humanity as a whole is doomed.
So in a nutshell my goal is to bring back the good old fashion era of parenting, you know the one where you taught your kids empathy, manners, responsibility. Techniques included: quality time where you teach through personal example instead of letting some underpaid immigrant clean your house and raise your kids for you. Discipline when your child acts out of hand rather than negotiating and pleading with your child when they act out ~If they want a democracy they can get one when they pay taxes and contribute to household bills like the rest of us!. Chores, learning how to cook and clean will only help your kid when he/she is college age and moving out on their own, macaroni and cheese should be a choice not a forced lifestyle condition due to lack of proper skills. It also wont hurt your kids to earn an allowance or a toy through hard work, good work ethics never go out of style and handing your child everything for free is not a helpful life lesson for the real world. Last but not least lets not let classic parenting phrases go the way of the Dinosaur thus depriving future generations of great sayings such as...
"don't make me come back there!" or alternately "so help me God I will turn this car around".
"Who do you think I am David Rockefeller?" or the classic " I'm not paying to heat the whole neighbourhood close that door"
"If you keep it up I will give you something to cry about"
Honestly ask yourself this question can future generations possibly thrive successfully without these parenting staples? I say take a look around at today's kids and you'll find the proof is in the pudding!.
Monday, December 21, 2009
So what has been happening in the last few weeks? Well as of tomorrow I'm 20 weeks along~halfway through my pregnancy!!!. Around the last half of my 18th week I started to feel very definite movements in my belly. The best way to describe how they feel would be to compare them to being flicked, but from the inside rather than outside (when I told my sister this her exact response was Eeeeeeewwwwww). They have been located on the left side or lower abdomen more than the right. About a week after I started to feel them Chris was actually able to catch one while laying in bed with his hand pressed firmly onto my belly. It was so cute, the first night I started to get a few in a row I told Chris, he jumped up right away all excited "Can I feel it too?". Unfortunately it wasn't until a few days later he could join me in the excitement.
The other day while walking through Staples we heard a *tink...roll* on the floor in front of us and looked down to see my coat button laying there. It was indeed the button near my belly, I turned to Chris and laughed " I guess the baby kicked it off". He started to laugh and said "Whats the baby doing kung-fu in there?". This made me laugh even harder and I told him "yup, I guess its the reincarnation of Bruce Lee".
Today was the big day~our ultrasound!!!! I had no idea they take so long, I thought it would be a 20 minute thing. We arrived at the hospital at 8:00am and didn't end up leaving until about 9:30am. I had to go in with the ultrasound technician alone for the first hour while she took about 140-150 pictures of the baby~who apparently wasn't cooperating for the important shots!!!. For half of that time I waited patiently staring at the ceiling while she probed my belly, but when she found some good angles she turned the monitor so I could watch too. While watching all our baby shows on TLC, when we see women crying after their babies are born I laugh and call them pussies. Shhhhhhhhh don't tell Chris but I got a little choked up when I saw our babies little face for the first time on the monitor, but for the record I sucked it up and kept myself composed~thank you very much!!!. My baby has all its fingers and toes!!! cute little ears and its heartbeat was around 134 bpm today. The tech was not allowed to tell me the sex of the baby...booooooooooooooo. But she did tell me to look at the screen when she had a good shot from below between its legs....unfortunately what I saw could have been the bottom view of either testicles or a little va-J-J. That's okay in a month or two we are going to do the 3D ultrasound in Halifax anyhow so all is well.
I had to do the near impossible take a short pee halfway through my test to try to readjust the babies position but I wasn't allowed to take a full pee...asking a pregnant woman to do that an hour after consuming a full litre of water is just sick I tells ya sick!!!. But I managed. Afterwards we got the ever illusive spinal shot. I watched the baby move around a bit including open and shut its mouth and throw its arm over its face in the ever dramatic pre-faint pose seen on soap operas. After all the medical shots were taken Chris was able to come in and he pulled up a stool and held my hand while the technician explained all the bits and pieces to him. He was pretty excited, It was a great moment to share with the man I love so much!. She got a few more pictures for us and despite the fact she was only supposed to give us one or two images she gave us four...SCORE!!!.
As I ran into the little bathroom to FINALLY take my real pee I could hear Chris asking a whole bunch of questions about the machinery...ahhh that guy is just so fascinated with his technology :). Apparently the machine she was using was pretty new because instead of getting the frail heat sensitive prints from the machine she was able to burn our images to a disk for us!!. Which we promptly took to Walmart to mail out some images to the Grandma squad and Auntie Tracy.
At last ......drum roll please.................May I present to you MY FETUS!! TADA!!
Friday, December 11, 2009
(oh hahahaha I just realised my title was an accidental parody of 18 kids and counting)Today I went for my 18 week check up. Since I became pregnant 18 weeks ago I have put on 9 lbs. So 1/2 a lb every week....not too shabby~ especially given all the junk food cravings :(. My uterus is 17 inches long (I believe that's what she said?), My prenatal serum testing came back good and my babies heartbeat is strong and steady. It was a good day and I have to say a weight has been lifted off my shoulders after my maternal serum tests came back negative!!. I am supposed to be feeling the baby soon, I'm not sure if the random abdominal twitches I have been getting are it or not?, although I had a stomach twitch when the doctor was giving me my Doppler test and she replied that she could see some strong movement~so maybe its not wishful thinking on my part after all.
I have exactly 10 days until my first ultrasound at the hospital. I have been told that they wont tell me the sex of the baby, But I'm still going to try to get it out of them......maybe slip them a $20.00 :). If that doesn't work all is good as I plan on making a trip up to Halifax to do the UC baby 3D ultrasound this January or February!. Am I hoping for a boy or girl?, I don't care as long as the baby is healthy and normal. But if I had to guess what I'm having I'm going to guess boy. I may be one of those out of touch Moms with no sense of motherly intuition on the matter ~but that's the gut feeling I am getting about it....that's okay, boys can play with Unicorns too right?.
In two more weeks I will be halfway through my pregnancy~wow time flies!! especially when you have so much to do to prepare for the arrival of a baby. The downside of this week is everyone is commenting on how pregnant I'm looking including the neighbours I barely talk to. So I'm feeling a little fat~ but only in the stomach, its like I went on my three day break and came back with a Cornish hen in my belly. But at long LOOOOOOONG last my boobies have arrived!!! I have only been waiting for these girls to show up since I was 12!. That's right ladies and gentlemen I have bounced out of the lightweight B division into a respectable C cup at long last!!!. Hello new bras, goodbye my pert and perky friends~these babies got some weight to them!!!.
Friday, November 27, 2009
So I know as well as anyone that life doesn't always go according to plan, but if we never made plans or had goals we would accomplish nothing. I wouldn't call myself a control freak, but when I get an idea of what I want I can be pretty damn stubborn until life finds a way to accommodate me. The process of pregnancy so far has been pretty good, in fact better than I had ever expected it to be. I was convinced being pregnant would be a nine month exercise in human suffering and endurance~ in fact I would laugh at women who claimed they "missed" being pregnant or had enjoyed the experience. But as my belly gets a bit harder and more rounded I find myself doing the absent minded belly stroke and (I cant believe I'm saying it) I am actually enjoying the process.
Now that the pregnancy is becoming more real everyday I find myself trying to come up with a game plan, how do I best tackle the whole birthing dilemma?.
Am I scared? not really, its not like I'm going to be doing it in a shark tank. Hell if 13 year old sluts can give birth why cant I?. Your talking to a chick who has given herself a full Brazilian wax on more than one occasion. If you can muster up the courage to rip off that wax strip you earn your 'warrior' badge.
I have been trying to do some research on the subject which includes watching a few documentaries, reading some articles, I'm going to be getting a few books on Amazon this month (including 'birthing from within' Mrs. Diva ;) ). From what I have seen the only thing that bothers me about the process is the Doctors. I wont lie to you, I hate the hospital, I don't trust pharmaceutical companies, I have not gone for a single flu shot ever, nor will I go for the H1N1 vaccine. The less I associate with medical professionals the healthier I have been. So the whole concept of putting my faith into a group of sterile, strangers I don't want to be associated with bothers me.
Living in a small and highly unevolved town my options however are limited as the nearest midwife is 5 hours away in Halifax. I also see no point in paying a Doula (should I find one) to fight for me in the hospital setting as I have no problem giving any doctor or nurse a verbal episiotomy of the asshole should they cross my boundaries. With my limited options and medical trust issues there is an idea which seems so highly appealing to me I find it hard to dismiss.....wait for it.......unassisted home birth.
I have been doing allot of reading up on the subject and it sounds utterly perfect for someone like me. No doctors/ nurses/ no epidural/ no fetal monitors/ no episiotomy/ no forced inoculations (due to hospital policy)to the baby, some possibly containing thimerosal. No one trying to rush your labour for their convenience with the use of drug inductions, no one telling you to push or to stop pushing against your bodies own natural urges. Just a woman giving birth the way nature intended it. If the show "I didn't know I was pregnant" has taught me anything (other than the fact that there are allot of stupid women out there) is that babies can be born all over the place, bathroom floors/ toilets/ bedrooms/ without any prenatal care and still come out healthy and normal.
The only concern is what happens if you DO have complications, breached baby, unstoppable hemorrhaging, umbilical cord knots. The small percentage of people who experience these problems didn't see them coming until they have already begun to happen. That is when a medical professional is absolutely mandatory. Lots to think about anyhow.....nature vs. science. The only thing I know for sure, I'm doing this thing MY WAY whether it means being the she bitch from hell in a hospital setting to ensure it does or whether I take matters into my own hands.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
So I have a few parental pet peeves, nothing I would lynch anyone over but little things about new parents that I hope I never find myself doing or saying. The list:
1 - Babies are precious and a huge monumental life change for people, they are however not 'miracles'. Child bearing is a part of nature that occurs every day all over the world. The only time a child should be allowed the title of miracle is if it has survived despite all odds stacked against it. Lets not dilute the meaning of the word to an average life occurrence that millions experience.
"1. an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.
2. such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God.
3. a wonder; marvel.
4. a wonderful or surpassing example of some quality: a miracle of modern acoustics."
~Chris and I do not agree on this matter however!
On a related note naming your child :Angel or Faith etc. is really corny, in fact its so sickeningly sweet it threatens to put me into a diabetic coma.
2- Looking at a newborn baby and making physical reference descriptions, "Oh wow he/she looks just like his father/ or uncle Herbert etc.". If I were to guess the paternity of most newborns by the way they look Walter Mathau would have allot of explaining to do. Newborns look like....wait for it...... newborns. Unless your comparing them to your wrinkled pucker faced 90 year old grandfather they will not start to develop any recognizable genetic facial similarities for a few months. Their nose/chin and round little head will all grow and change as well as their eye color and hairline. If you tell me my newborn looks like me, I will take it as a hint that a face lift is being recommended.
3- Naming your baby after the father. Lets see: Mom gets to go through 9 months of discomfort including: morning sickness, stretch marks, hemorrhoids, hormone induced breakouts, gestational diabetes, extreme fatigue, weight gain, depression, shortness of breath, the mask of pregnancy (rough scaly skin patches that sprout up in random blotches on her face), skin tags, migraines, the list goes on. On top of the fact she is allowed little to no medication during the pregnancy to alleviate many of the symptoms, then here's the kicker, she gets to go through hours of painful contractions and stretch her poor lady bits to kingdom come, sometimes resulting in perennial tearing to bring the baby into the world and~wait for it..... DAD GETS THE EGO BOOST with junior taking HIS NAME!!!!.
Naming a son after his father has always struck me as a desperate way for women to attempt to force a connection between father and child. If your hubby/ boyfriend etc. cant love the baby as an individual but needs to love it as a narcissistic extension of himself is he really the role model you want in your kids life?. Hell while your at it why not give the guy a cattle brand and let him sear his dominance over your uterus once and for all.~ Not to mention any name that is eventually shortened into the kids first initial followed by .J, is kind of unfortunate especially if the poor kids name is Bob or Billy.
4-Last on my list but first in my heart on issues that bother me when couples become new parents, good-bye 'Mittens' and 'Rover'. So as a couple you set out to add to your family before you were quite ready to take the parenting plunge. You brought home a furry little bundle of joy. You raised this furry step child, teaching it what it needed in order to be a productive member of your family, you loved it and it loved you unconditionally.
Then one pee stick and nine months later your surrogate child takes a back seat in your heart and your life. Walking the dog is not on your to do list anymore your to busy watching the new baby drool all over himself. Playing with the cat is irrelevant now that your new baby is shaking his rattle on the floor. In fact maybe a few months have gone by and you decide hell, even feeding and grooming my once beloved best friend is too much effort. Time to set up a freebee add on Kijiji~ yours to take one forgotten and formerly loved family member, now that we have a REAL baby our family member is no longer required to fill that missing gap in our hearts. Thanks for the loyalty, love and memories but sayonara sucker!!!!.
Monday, November 16, 2009
So through some random web surfing I stumbled across a little documentary called "Consuming Kids". I highly suggest anyone with Children or planning on having one watch it. You can watch the entire thing on Google video. Its pretty disturbing the extent of marketing corporations gear towards kids. Its little wonder we have 10 year olds dressing like hookers and children so self absorbed and materialistic these days.
I can guarantee after watching this that cable will only be available to mommy and daddy after the kids are in bed in my house. I also can guarantee for the sake of my Children's childhood there will be pretty monitored Internet and media access as well.
Wow I never thought I would be one of "those" parents, but looking at the way the next generation is behaving I think its time to bring back some good old fashioned values. It may sound hypocritical of me as a frequent user of this technology, however when I was a little kid I was not exposed to as much as these children are. I had a chance to grow up and appreciate a day at the beach with my family, Now kids spend more time in front of the computer/ cell phones/ and television than they do with their families. What kind of childhood memories are an Xbox 360 going to create?. What kind of values are children being taught by their families?, I can guarantee not as many values as the corporations are stuffing in their little spongy brains.
~Looks like parenting just got allot more complicated.
Monday, November 9, 2009
So living in a small town has its draw backs, especially when looking for maternity clothing. I checked out both Walmart's, and the pants they have available look like granny slacks with a a super huge stomach (the interfacing comes right under my tits/ think Steve Urkel extreme). I couldn't help but think, If I'm old enough to like the style of these things I am WELL past menopause, in fact I'm most likely spending my pension at the bingo hall. My next trip took me to Zellers, which used to have a decent sized maternity section, now absolutely nothing, the entire section has been removed. At this point my regular jeans are beginning to make me feel like an over stuffed sausage so I'm trying desperately to find some options.
As Chris and I hit the mall we see mannequins in the Ricki's window with the full maternity gear on and the clothes are pretty cute too!. We walk in take a look at the $80.00 price tag on a pair of jeans I will only wear for a few more months, then walk out. Online I notice Old Navy's maternity jeans look nice and are half the price. So I plan to send Chris up to nab me a few pairs on his next business trip.
This Friday after dinner out, I convince Chris to let me browse at my favourite store V.V boutique, better known to the world as Value Village and lo and behold I hit the mother load (pun fully intended!). A modern Mom must have recently shed her baby weight because before me is a rack full of nice maternity jeans (Gap/Thyme maternity) and Thyme maternity t-shirts in relatively new condition. I stock up and manage to get half a dozen jeans and an armful of shirts for $100.00 bucks. On top of that I find an awesome snugli carrier for the baby at $5.00. SCORE!!!~man do I love a good deal. The icing on this cake is the vintage solid wood high chair we found last week for $35.00 tax included!, I have been looking for a decent one on ebay for weeks. As I know first hand from my time baby sitting a few years ago these modern "lazy boy" chairs with their waterproof cushioned padding glued down to the chair are a nightmare to clean. All the seam grooves are the perfect place for crumbs to find their final resting place. This way I will just make a few baby cushions to tie down to the back of the chair that can be untied and thrown in the wash if they get too gross.
I'm slowly starting to accumulate a stash of goods for baby and Chris's Mom will be shipping me out two rubber maid bins of cute baby stuff I have been collecting over the years. Its hard not to want to tuck something away for your future when your out browsing gift ideas for friends babies :). So I'm hoping my recent haul and the arrival of a few more items should curb my urge to splurge at least until after my ultra sound when I know for sure if its a girl or boy.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Today Chris and I went to the doctors office together for our regular check up. I put on three pounds since my last check up about five weeks ago (better be in the baby areas and not my ass!!!). The highlight of my visit and my week for that matter was we were able to listen to the babies heart beat for the first time!!!. That was pretty exciting, especially since my symptoms have been so mild, somedays it feels more like Im getting better from a cold and its easy to forget Im pregnant. Hearing the baby and being reassured by the doctor that his/her heartbeat is strong made this process a little bit more real to me, there really is someone living and growing inside of me, its not just my imagination.
Later I asked Chris why he doesnt seem as excited as I do about the baby and he laughed at me telling me he is just as excited, but that I probably dont think anyone is as excited as I am about it. As Im the only one really experiencing any of the babies growth/symptoms right now. He then told me the baby is like an imaginary friend to him at this point. He believes its there but he cant see it or feel it because its "hiding away in Narnia, but once Mr.Tumnus decides to come out and say hello he will know for a fact hes real". I had to laugh, this whole time I thought I was having gas pains turns out it was really an epic battle between good and evil in my womb a.k.a "Narnia"!!!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Read the following article and then read the rest of this post!
I'm not sure whether or not this article should make me sad or just pissed off~lets go with pissed. What the hell is wrong with the world today?, since when was having a family about how many millions you could collect for subletting your womb space?. As a soon to be future mother stories like this make me mad, there are so many people in the world who love each other and want to have a family together but are just not able to for medical reasons, then there are those who CAN and treat the process as a commercial venture.
People like this should be sterilized, There is no way a child can be brought up in this type of atmosphere and receive genuine love from both parents.
"Mommy, Daddy, how much do you love me?"
"Oh honey, the reason Mommy had you was so she could afford more Prada bags, so your right up there with fashion on my love scale!"
"And Daddy loves you 11 million dollars worth, dont believe me? read the fine print son!"
Saturday, October 31, 2009
So This coming up Tuesday I will have official hit my second trimester!! booyah!. This week for the first time yet, I started to feel a bit nauseous, nothing came of it and it only lasted for two days. I would describe it more as a motion sickness it only acted up when I was moving around, when I was resting a bit more it was fine. The last two days I have been feeling back to normal again though!. If the baby books are to be believed this week my uterus is rising out of my pelvic area so maybe it was the extra changes that caused the mild discomfort.
Before I reach the second trimester officially though I thought I would get a picture of my 12 week baby bump. Its not massive, but its there now!!!
TA DA!!! a picture of me and my fetal unit!!!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I am ready to have a baby! a cute innocent helpless little bundle of love and need in my life. When I think of holding him (him: I don't want to write 'it' or 'him/her' every two seconds) or rocking him, feeding and snuggling him I get that warm excited feeling in my heart and cant wait for the time to come to meet my baby. Pictures of crying babies gummy little mouths make me smile and I'm super pumped to roll my first baby burrito. Babies make me happy, even when they are screaming and upset because lets face it we all know they cant help themselves and something about a sad baby brings out the nurture instinct in most people with a beating heart. I'm ready to be both patient loving mom and life chronicler chasing my baby around with a camera like a national geographic crew, capturing every cute and precious moment I can.
That being said.....I'm not sure if its my natural lack of patience coupled with some grumpy hormones~ but I can no longer stand little kids. Snotty noses, grabbing hands, screeching voices going "I WANT, I WANT!!!" as they tear through stores causing mayhem and sound pollution. Unnecessary waterworks coupled with red scrunched up gremlin faces, demanding all in life to be handed into their filthy/ grubby little paws. Its enough to make you wish for the good old days of "the belt" when you see these demon spawn surging through store aisles. Hell give me that belt, I'll volunteer to go all Indiana Jones on them for their parents if it makes the job easier for all involved.
The more tiny terrors running amuck everywhere I go makes me seriously wonder some days just what the hell I have gotten myself into. I don't want to be the person at the restaurant who's ruining everyone Else's night out because of the tantrums coming from my table. Or the person who is responsible for one of the many screams of agony that make the Walmart sound like a bloody torture chamber the second you waltz through the door.
Or even worse still, I don't want to walk up to the cash register with the stupid kid talking like a "baby" and making an ass out of himself in a vain attempt to get some attention.
What happened? I used to like children, in fact I used to like them a heck of allot more than most adults. Maybe it was because I had the option of walking away when I had had enough .In a few more years that option will not be there, I will be in the very eye of the storm when a piece of candy turns into a life or death matter, or when someone decided a random punch to his or her sibling was a good idea. I'm starting to think maybe I never really wanted kids but nature just fooled my brain into thinking this was a good idea!!! Maybe I can find a trade in program, you give me your baby and I will raise it until its two or three then he or she is all yours again, complete with functioning motor skills and the ability to wipe its own ass. Do you think anyone else would go in for an offer like that? NO, hell it was worth a shot!.
Everyone says its different when its your own child, that having a baby was the best thing that ever happened to them....good lord I hope they are right~ because as it stands I'm squirreling away money for anger management and therapy at this point!!!
Friday, October 23, 2009
As far as the pregnancy lottery goes I hit the jackpot in the symptom department!!.
List of symptoms:
~implantation bleeding (which was ignored)
~Sore breasts (mistaken for pms)
~minor cramping just before I fell asleep (for about a week after I knew I was pregnant)
~ missed period (pregnancy indicator)
~Fatigue (so extreme I can pretty much say I have been sleeping away most of my days not dedicated to working hours)
Now at week 11 Im finally regaining some energy, so other than minor fatigue, sore boobs and no period I feel pretty normal.
Oh yeah, did I forget to mention the few pairs of "skinny day" jeans I own are now "fond memory day" jeans :(. Thats okay though, I plan on turning them into maternity pants with a few quick modifications on the sewing machine :).
In two more weeks I will post my 'official' second trimester starter baby bump photo!!.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Step one: The first two weeks~Paranoia!
Oh my god did I just use Ice therapy on my back???? oh crap the label says I shouldn't have. Time to shower it off quick...done. Now time to phone Mom in tears about the possibility of camphor poisoning my baby.
I should make sure the only food going into my body is a fresh vegetable, fruit or healthy protein (meat alternative). Even if it means I have to walk the half hour up to the grocery store everyday to get it. No chocolate, no frozen foods nothing but the best for me and baby!!
I should make sure I'm careful where I walk so I don't slip, make sure I'm not lifting anything too heavy, get lots of rest and fluids, read every label for nutritional content.
Oh my god that woman just coughed on her hand before she handed me a $20.00 bill time to sanitise up to my elbows in the work sink!!! Better remember my face mask while using cleaners...even if they are bio friendly.
Step 2: Weeks 3-4 ~rational thought returns!
This is going to be a long freakin 9 months if I don't settle the hell down. Its time to realise that even women in third world countries, malnourished and living out of garbage heaps manage to give birth to live babies. Hell I have medical, a home, food, fresh water I'm going to be fine!!!. BREATHE~ as the boyfriend says "Your pregnant your not dying, relax!!!.
Step 3: Everything in moderation
If my diet slips occasionally it wont be the end of the world as long as I strive for the best most days, I cant lock myself up in a bubble for 9 months so its time to relax, get some good runners with support and just remember my uncommon sense while at work. It will do no one any good if I don't relax and keep my stress level down.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The day I discovered I was pregnant it was September 15th, testing positive twice. The next step was to verify the findings with a doctor, as I have no family doctor the task seemed a bit daunting. However a few months back in my futile search for a family doctor I was given a name and phone number to try. When I phoned this doctor she was very nice and explained to me that she only dealt in prenatal and deliveries but when I find myself pregnant one day to give her a call. I squirreled her number away in my file and the afternoon of the 15th pulled it out to give her a call.
*sigh of relief* The phone call took only 5 minutes and getting into see her was no problem, the only draw back I had to wait to fit my appointment in until the 22nd. Not a horrible wait on any other occasion. However when you have already told two potential new Grandma's you may be expecting the "so do you know for sure yet?" phone calls let you know your not the only one anxious for some damn news!. Note for next baby ~don't say freak in 'boo' until your cleared to go by a professional.
So I make it to my appointment to the doctors office the following Tuesday, I am ready for my ultrasound and to have my full physical exam and ready to have some clear confident news, especially when I know two Grandma's and Chris will be phoning for an update this afternoon. I get to the office and to my relief the doctor is a younger woman and she is very nice, she doesn't rush anything and allows me a chance to ask any questions I may have. To my disappointment however she needs to send me out for blood work to the hospital before she can determine anything...so I leave with a lab form, but no further ahead in the information category.
I make my way up to the hospital where I wait for my tests to begin, within about 45 minutes I'm already calling a cab home having left behind six vials of blood and two cups of urine. I cant wait for Chris to get home, as so far I have had to figure all this stuff out for myself and just keep him updated via phone. However during a phone call to Chris the following day, the dogs begin to go berserk by the door. I hang up with him and go see what the commotion is all about and there is Chris waiting on the back steps after a 5 hour drive home early a few days to see me. It was an awesome surprise!!!.
The next day I'm back at work and notice a bit of pink blood when I use the washroom. I have a miniature panic attack, only an hour and a half until I can get home and figure this all out. When I get home I do an online search and most of the websites say a small amount of bleeding isn't bad as long as its not accompanied by cramps or back pain. Well I'm not sure if I had experienced any pain that was more that just the pain of a full days shift after four weeks off work. So I try to let it go but as I go to use the washroom, there it is again a small amount of pink. I phone the hospital line to ask a nurse her opinion, She tells me its most likely nothing as the bleeding sounds so scant to her but she suggested I schedule an appointment with my doctor within the next 48 hours to be sure.
Well I'm working full time from this point this week and I wont have time to see a doctor so Chris and I head up to the hospital emergency. We wait around for about 20 minutes until we are escorted into a small private room, we wait alone in the room together for about an hour to an hour and a half before a doctor comes in to see us. Now I'm waiting in a hospital gown to have a check up and get some answers just hoping to be put at ease so I can get a good nights sleep about the matter. What do I get?, the doctor comes in and explains she would rather not give me my physical to avoid disturbing anything down there. She then goes on to tell me as I'm only 6 weeks there is a pretty good chance I'm going to miscarry and not to worry if I do as it shouldn't effect future pregnancies or my fertility.
As soon as the doctor leaves I start to cry, the nurse walks in and sees me looking very upset and lets me know they are just going to take a few blood samples from me to try to figure out if my hgc levels have dropped. When she asks whats wrong I tell her and I think she must have gone out and given the doctor shit for her crappy bedside manner. About ten minutes later she (the doctor) came in again and gave me the speech she should have given me in the first place about how allot of women experience bleeding and it could be nothing but just to keep an eye on things.
We got home really late that night and I still had to be at work the next morning. As if someone divine had stepped in (thank-you mother goddess) about ten minutes after I woke up I received a phone call. When I answered the phone it was my Boss's wife, she was calling to say that she thought I had looked pretty tired the night before at the end of my shift and if I wanted she had arranged to have another girl come in for me if I wanted to take the day easy. I told her a bit about the night before (as I told my boss and his wife I was expecting right away so they would understand why I wasn't lifting all the heavy objects anymore) and took her up on her offer.
My day off I took it easy with my feet up and I had no more signs of strange bleeding. I also decided I wasn't going to worry about miscarrying to the point where I treat it as an inevitability like I had the night before, when the E.R doctor made me feel helpless and drained. I decided I was going to love my baby whether or not I only had it growing in me for a few more days or as a lifelong responsibility.
The following day at work I phoned my doctors office and they gave me the final results, yes I was indeed pregnant and could see them the following Tuesday for my first check-up. When next Tuesday rolled around my doctor phoned the Hospital for my ER results and she said the HGC levels came back normal and not to worry, I had my last physical exam results (four weeks ago from my family doctor in Vancouver) faxed to my new doctor to avoid aggravating my body with a full pap smear, just as an added precaution. The Doctor then gave me my Due date May 11th (a Taurus baby) and I will have to see her again in another two weeks (after we do our prenatal screening next Monday).
As of right now I am ten weeks pregnant (two and a half away from starting my second trimester) and according to "your pregnancy week by week" my baby is the size of a small plum right now. Next post I will add a pic of my current baby bump.....which is getting noticeable...or it could be gas and my imagination!!.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Maybe there were some signs? Certainly there were no symptoms yet. Was the first the weird light bleeding that occurred the day after my plane arrived in Vancouver that I chalked up to stress?. Or maybe the day I started to notice other women, turning to my mother and saying "wow there sure are allot of pregnant women downtown today".
Two weeks of a happy holiday come and go and nothing out of the ordinary occurs, my breasts are sore as they always are pending my upcoming visit from the 'Bloody Barron'. Along with my appetite turning me into a land shark who will eat anything and everything in her path~nothing that does not occur each month. So for a full week my regular monthly ritual begins- another half a week and I'm home again to the east coast. Nothing other than a full on head cold contracted during my trip to bother me, maybe my internal clock is jammed up and I'm just thinking I was due. The Boyfriend is out of town for work and I go to the calendar.....hmmmmmm according to the little X on the fourth day of August the Baron should have graced me with his presence by now.
To test or not to test? lets test, its just going to come back negative anyhow then you can quit worrying about it...I mean you did just take one before your vacation and it was negative, and no 'Whoopee' had taken place in the three weeks after that point. So a dollar store test is purchased and spends the evening on the counter awaiting an early morning investigation.
I wake up and pee in a cup (wow that is gonna need some good washing later) and take my little syringe provided to play weird science with my own waste. A few drops in the window and lets go flush the rest, hmmm why wait the whole two minutes the pee is just going to pass over the window produce a single line like it always does and you can be on your merry way again.....Look there is the line~ 'hey buddy long time no see'......'wait a second who's your little friend there?'.
Holy Shit!, I mean what the Fuck! I mean wow I think I need to sit down for a minute. Holy Shit! This cant be happening, We were trying since December, I was ready for this all spring. I was just starting to appreciate what I had in the single life, I mean I gave up seriously trying a few months ago......I wasn't even monitoring my fertile days how could this happen???. WOW.
I had better call Chris...pick up the phone...pick up the phone......(10 more tries). Fine! I'm calling my Mom.
"Hey sweetie how are you?".
A pause "hmmmmmm I think I'm pregnant"
....the conversation continues with me telling my mother not to tell anyone until I have things confirmed by a doctor. Lets phone Chris again. Still no answer! that's it dammit I'm calling you at work.
"go grab your cell phone and call me back immediately!"
thirty second wait before the phone rings.
"I left my cell at home what's wrong?"
"I took a pregnancy test today"
"it says I'm pregnant!"
"Wow, its a good day"
"well don't get to excited its just a dollar store test most likely faulty I will take another one later today when I can get a good one from Walmart"
"okay I will talk to you later, bye".
Off to Walmart, lets find the tests ahhh such a selection.... ohhhhhhh digital...$25.00 bucks screw that I could go out for dinner with that kind of money. Ahhh here we go 'First Response' $14.99 that's more reasonable.....and look I get two!! that's more bang for my buck! score! Lets take this baby home and give one a whirl.
Okay according to test number 2, I am indeed pregnant. Wow, I guess I'll have to tell Chris when he phones tonight....